Mental Defeat

by Kim on October 16, 2011

I just wrapped up week 5 of half-marathon training and boy was it a struggle!  I’m not sure if I’m in a slump this week, but it has been so hard getting through the runs.  Nick is out of town this weekend in Colorado for a training seminar for iPhone games so I did the long run this morning by myself, which doesn’t bother me so much since we haven’t been doing a ton of running together, but I know I could have used his support to get me through today.  At any rate, I’m excited he was able to go to this training session.  He’s come a long way since June with the iPhone games and I know this class will be a huge help for him and he’ll build so many connections through it.  I’m so proud of him!  Anyway, my run this morning wasn’t even as bad as I’m making it out to be.  I’m just being hard on myself.  Actually, I had the right around the same time and the exact same pace for the 5 mile run I did two weeks ago in New Hampshire and I was proud of it then.  Anyway, this week was another 5 mile run and I ended up mixing things up and got out of the neighborhood for this run.  There is a hike and bike trail not too far from us with the trail head being about a mile away.  I haven’t run on it before because I have to cross the very busy 6-lanes of traffic, but being Sunday morning in the south, most people were at or getting ready for church so  was much lighter and I wasn’t as worried about crossing the major road.  Anyway, all was good until about mile 3, at which point I had already turned around to head back home.  I just stopped.  I wasn’t tired, I just didn’t want to run.  And so I walked.  I walked for about 0.3 miles and then started running again, but I just wanted to get through it.  At the end of the run, I was actually surprised that my time and pace were the exact same as two weeks ago, since I didn’t walk at all on that run.  At any rate, I’m just struggling right now as I get close to being half way through training.  I’ve been psyching myself out too much and letting my mental defeat get to me.  I guess it’s only human.  Most of us are our own toughest critic.

On Thursday I ran in the Santa Fe 5K race for the new Santa Fe trail over in the Lakewood neighborhood.  I did a mile warm-up before the race since I was scheduled to run 4 miles that day.  Unfortunately I couldn’t find anyone to do the race with me, but it was a really great event.  They had live music and free beer for the runners and there were various food trucks there.  I completed the race a little bit faster than the Valley Ranch Pumpkin Dash from last weekend, so I was happy and there was a girl there who although I didn’t know her, I made it my goal to finish before her, which I did.  Throughout the race she was near me and would either speed up and get ahead of me or slow down and I’d get ahead of her (or perhaps I sped up and go ahead of her).  Anyway, we were right at the 3 mile mark and I saw her speed up and try to come up from behind me so I sped up and ran as fast as I could through the finish line.  I wish they would post the pictures from that race.  I know I probably looked like one of those puffed up fish or a squirrel with it’s cheeks all stuffed with acorns, that and a look of determination on my face.  At least that’s how I felt I looked.  Some women can keep a polished look on them when they work out.  Not me.  I get very sweaty and flushed.  Anyway, I’m sure the pictures will be quite amusing once they are posted.  So after the race, I cooled down and headed over to one of the food trucks and picked up dinner for Nick and me and headed home.  Hopefully if I do this race next year, I’ll have people to join me since it would have been fun to stick around longer.
This isn’t the best picture showing off the event, but hopefully you get the idea.

So I’m going a little backwards in the week, but on Wednesday, I did my workout in the morning so Nick and I would have all of Wednesday night together, our last full night to hang out before he left for Colorado, since I was running in the Santa Fe 5K on Thursday.  He got off of work a little early and picked up some food from Whole Foods and surprised me with some beautiful tulips.  He put some thought into it since he knew that I had the little gourds on the table.  The tulips and a nice fall shade of orange and yellow.  Very pretty.
I took a picture of them yesterday as they were wide open in their full tulip happiness.

Okay, I know this blog entry is getting to be all over the place and I need to do a better job of writing entries throughout the week, but, well I didn’t this week, and I feel like I have a lot to write about.  So in other news, I had a job interview this week.  It’s for a job here in the DFW area.  They were going to interview what sounded like 2 or so more people in the remainder of the week and I should hear back in the next couple of days.  The interview went well, but now that changing jobs might actually happen, it makes me nervous.  My current job is my first job out of grad school.  I’ve been there for four years now so a change will be strange, but back in June when I had my annual review, my boss more or less told me that he knows that I need to move on sooner or later in order to grow professionally.  He’s right, I’ve kind of hit a spot with my current firm where something needs to change and that very well might be getting a new job in order to build my urban planning and design career.  It was a surprise to hear that from him, but I’m glad he’s on my side and only wants the best for me professionally.  I know that he will help me in any way he can to help me advance, even if that means helping me find a new job.  So as I’ve mentioned in a previous blog, I’m on the hunt.  I sent out a couple of applications yesterday and have a few more to do today.  So we’ll see!  I’ll keep you posted on what I hear back from the interview from this past week.  And I’ll do my best to create more entries this coming week so there isn’t one super long blog entry at the end of the week that is all over the place like this one!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: